Whoopsies!! - Waited too long again, Jay Leno Dream, Opened My Store, and My Next Release

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Thursday, August 26th, 2010, 3:20am
Categories: Journal

Mike Peralta - Portrait in the Dark


Well, I promised everyone in my last blog that I would blog more often. And then I fell back into my old patterns of going, "nah, that story isn't good enough to bug all my subscribers with... i'll just wait until I have something better to blog about". Then I got complaints, so I started to write my next blog. Then I got distracted again. Then... its now 3 months later since my last blog.

I = SUX!!!

Jay Leno Dream

I had the most awesome dream ever the other night. Not because of the setting, but because I was an absolute insane person in it. For those of you that don't know me personally, I have a twisted sense of humor and it usually revolves around intricately detailed imaginary disaster scenarios that stem from real life situations. For instance, once during Christmas as a child, I watched my sister open up a present from my mom, and during the process my mom said, "I really hope you like it", pretty innocently. I burst out into laughter, and when everyone asked me what I was laughing about, they found that in three seconds flat I had imagined a disaster scenario between the two of them, in which my sister opened the present and noticed it was exactly something she told my mom NOT to buy her for xmas (which coincidentally, my parents did A LOT to us as kids), slammed the present down in a tiff, then a stray particle from the present flew into my mom's coffee, infuriating my mom who then tossed her coffee on my sister's face screaming "you ungreatful bitch!", after which the two began wrestling and pulling each others hair, bringing down the entire christmas tree in the process, and as they rolled around under the tree screaming, with tinsel and fake greenery flying around, i looked down at the broken/tattered christmas tree star that had fallen in my lap, and with a tear in my eye screamed, "NOT ON CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!". So yeah... love my disaster scenarios and can't stop thinking of them. And sometimes they're funny, too.

Back to Jay Leno...

So I have this dream where I'm being interviewed by Jay Leno on his Tonight Show for something having to do with music. Perhaps I was performing that night, or he enjoyed my album, or I dunno, SOMEthing.. So anyway, I fantasize of course, about "making it big" in some way, and how I would present myself if I had the opportunity. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be myself, other times I want to come off as some kind of sexy sexual euro type guy that gets tons of chicks, and other times I wonder what it would be like if I presented myself as an absolute hot mess insane person, just for the entertainment value of it all, and the controversy it would cause as my fans online all speculated as to what the hell was wrong with me and when I was going to overdose.

This, apparently, was a dream in which I had chosen the latter strategy of behaving as a lunatic in front of cameras.

The dream started with me just outside the stage, waiting for Jay to call my name so I could emerge before the audience, shake hands, then sit down for my interview. Jay called my name, "please welcome, MIKE .... PerALTAaaaaaaaaa!" and the band music played one of my songs. I came out in a white T-Shirt and jeans like I always wear EVERYwhere, only I don't think I had my hat on, which is weird because I'm usually self conscious about my hairline lol.

Instead of shaking hands with Jay, I immediately started screaming, "HEY EVERYBODY HEY HEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!" running at full speed in circles around the stage throwing my hands up in the air, slightly crouching as I ran, with a permanent lean to one side to accentuate the speed at which I was running in circles. Jay kept turning left and right as I ran past him then around the opposite side of the stage, back behind the chairs and desk, then back up around to him again. I did this several times until he gave up and went back to his desk to wait for me, muttering something like "what is this, I don't understand what he's doing" to the audience.

When I finally stopped to sit down and talk, I was all out of breath but still strung out, looking quickly left/right wide-eyed as Jay asked me questions as if I were on crack or something. After a couple questions (which I answered in weird ways on purpose), I interrupted his next question with some random nonsensical story where I basically described shaking someone's hand a few days earlier. I started to explain that the person shook my hand for only a brief moment before trying to let go, and in that quick moment I was offended... "How could this jerk snub me like that??? I'll be damned if I let some dude off the streets trick me into a handshake and then not have the courtesy to hold on for more than a second and a half". I then told Jay Leno that in my frustration, I decided to clench my grip onto this poor guy's hand in an effort to prevent him from prematurely ending the handshake. Then it became a struggle between the two of us as he slowly realized what I was doing, and our faces slowly turned to grimaces and we hunched our backs and bent our knees, me grabbing onto his hand as hard as I could and him trying to pull away as hard as he could.

As I described this scene to him, my voice continued to get higher and higher in pitch, and the speed of my speech faster and faster, working myself into a frenzy of projected frustration as I tried to convey how I was feeling (and also trying to convey that I was losing my mind on stage). I complained and complained about this guy and all the social and interpersonal problems I saw with his hand-shake strategy, acting more and more pissed off and frantic with every word. Finally when my voice couldn't go any higher, or louder, or faster, I launched myself back up out of my chair again, to the tip-toe edge of the stage, and took another tangent in my story.

"Jay, I'm really freaking out here and I don't think I can take it anymore. You know how sometimes in a movie, a character will be on stage somewhere, and the camera will show the audience from his point of view and all you see is a huge black void where the audience is supposed to be, blinding bright white lights, and a barrel-distorted view of everything through some kind of fish-eye wide lens?", I shouted, sweat dripping off my forehead down onto my T-Shirt, heaving and huffing with each breath I took, in a wide-knee'ed crouched battle stance at the front edge of the stage.

"well that's how I feel and i just can't... TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed bloody murder and then proceeded to fall face-forward, face-down onto the shiny floor in front of me, sliding forward along the floor slightly with my arms at my sides. Then I lie motionless. Jay, in a very worried and rushed tone, stated, "My god he's passed out!" then called for a commercial break, running up to me to see if I was alright.

Of course I was faking all of this so it was all I could do to hold in the laughter trying to burst out of my belly while I lay there on the floor. By the time we went to commercial and Jay came to my side, I had stood up, and in a more calm tone started asking for a stage hand or stage manager.

"Hey guys! Do we have a fake beard and mustache? Do we have a corn cob pipe?" I started asking the crew and the stage people. After a short time I gathered what I wanted and then made my way back to Jay's interview chair.

When the commercial break was over, I was now sitting extremely calmly in the interview chair again, but in disguise. I was still wearing my white T-shirt and jeans, but I now also had a fake beard, fake mustache, some kind of elderly looking hat (I can't describe the hat other than it looked like something an older, respectable person would wear), and a corn-cob pipe - the kind of pipe that Sherlock Holmes smoked.

Cool and collected, almost drab and boring, I began smoking my corn cob pipe as Jay Leno re-introduced me, bringing his show back in from the commercial break.

"Well we still have Mike Peralta on the show and he appears to be alright now. Mike ... what happened back there? Are you alright?" Jay turned to me and asked.

"Yes Jay, I'm fine of course" I said, now using a very slow, controlled, dry, thespian-ish accent.

Jay asked, "Wait a minute... what's going on here... what is this, what are you doing..?"

My response was simply, "Jay Leno. I was ACTING. Do you not know that people do this? I thought you were educated in the finer arts", I said in the same controlled thespian voice before taking another puff from my corn cob pipe.

Dumbfounded, Jay Leno looked at me with a wide-eyed blank stare for a few seconds, then slowly turned to the audience with the same expression on his face.

And then I woke up! BEST DREAM EVAR!!!!

Well, best dream ever that didn't involve me having the force. But more on that later...

I Opened My Store!

Well peeps... after days and days upon days and days of programming, I've finally re-launched my online store. Its taken a lot of hard work to create up to this point, and I'll need to work on it more and more as time goes on, but at least, as of now, I have my own online store, that I wrote entirely myself... and it supports domestic AND international shipping, AND digital download codes. By the way, I think I still have about 10 uses left on one of my test codes. If you go into the store and look for the "Redeem Download Codes" link, you can enter this code: 9WKW-EQ3Q-HJ3T ... That should allow you to download my entire acoustic album for free. Its a promotional thing of course, but yeah, it should work. If you're reading this blog offsite like facebook or somewhere else, here's a link to the redemption page: http://www.MikePeralta.com/store/yum. If you end up using it, please say hello in my forums and let me know what you thought of the whole redemption process!

And feel free to browse around the site and purchase a shirt or something! They're all ready to ship!

My Next Release

Well its about that time again. I've been reading several articles online about indie musicians and I've come to the conclusion that it will be better for both me and my fans if I just release a single every once in awhile, rather than waiting several years to do a full album. This way, you get more releases more often, and I get more interactions and support from you. Plus I guess it helps me to stay relevant. Plus I can always compile my best-selling singles into a full album every so often too.

Anyhow. I think my next release will be my song "I Want to Be Sad". I've done a full remix of it, which sounds more electronic and poppy than the usual acoustic stuff I do, and plus its been mastered by FatNSassy Studios! Mastering in a nutshell means FatNSassy takes my completed/mixed track and adjusts all the frequencies, tweaks compression, adds limiters, studies sonic patterns, noise reduction, and a whole slew of other technical mumbo jump type things, and then turns my track into gold. Literally. I have literally given him crap and it came back to me sounding awesome. I have no idea how he does it. Anyway you can check out his myspace at http://www.myspace.com/fatnsassymastering.

And keep an eye out for an announcement of this release. When I find a good photo to design for the cover, I'll be releasing the track through CDBaby, iTunes, Amazon, Rhapsody, and all those other silly places.

Thanks for listening!!!

Don't forget to get your FREE Mp3s right here: MikePeralta.com/Subscribe
Mike Peralta is an independent musician and you should follow him on Twitter (@MikePeralta) and Instagram (@MikePeraltaMusic), then subscribe to his blog just a bit below this text!
Current avatar photo by Heinz von Bockelmann (CC by 2.0, modified by Mike Peralta)

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Current Comments

This entry has 2 comments
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Friday, August 27th, 2010, 11:49am
your hairline is sexy, so forget the hat ;^) what in the hairy heyall do you eat before you go to sleep and can I get it in a store? hope to be able to see you when I head down there next month!
Jay L.
Friday, August 27th, 2010, 1:42pm
You're crazy.
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